Hooker Dilemma

A young mate recently visited me in the Algarve. Within two days he’d been with a hooker.
“Ah, you’d have done the same at my age” he said.
“Actually, and I’m not judging you, but I’m kinda too religious to consider all that stuff, and on a sexual level I couldn’t be attracted to a woman who fundamentally didn’t particularly want me”
But I actually did sleep with one once, and h...ere’s the story.
Thailand 1992
Had some brill Thai mates there, and at this party on Chaweng beach, I made the once in a lifetime mistake of drinking Mekon whiskey. I wont bore you with details but it is evil personified and apparently laced with embalming fluid.
So at the end of the night ‘Lolen’ was incapable, so my Thai mates bunged me into a taxi with a hooker friend of theirs, telling the girl that I’d look after her if she looked after me (I uncovered these details in retrospect and gave them hell, nah, I loved them really, they were always playing tricks on me)
Next morning I woke up with a hang-over I could have donated to medical science, and suddenly.. WTF!!! Clearly this was a prostitute in my bed..”OK, end of story” I’m thinking..”I’m dead, aids..slow and painful demise” and all.
Then I noticed that I was fully clothed, as was she.
My movement woke her. I didn’t hesitate to ask, such was my paranoia.
“Good morning nice to meet you, did we have sex last night?”
“No Lolen, you so dlunk, you wan now?”
Relief..
”No, I’m fine actually..um..”..
So the next plan in my haze was to get rid of her without hurting her feelings.
Ah,.. an idea entered my fevered brain...the guy in the bungalow next door was a Dutch flying instructor, who’s one and only reason for being in Thailand was whoring. His catch-phrase was “she very good looking”..He was a silly old fucker actually and got ripped off all over the place by the local girls, but I was in dire need of his expertise.
So I knocked on his door and asked him how I could respectfully dismiss my new playmate.
We walked out onto his balcony, by which time the Thai girl had wandered onto my balcony. He looked over at her.
“Why you not fuck her, she very good looking”
“Listen mate, if you could just answer my original question, I would be eternally grateful.”
“Well if you really don’t want her, give her a fair amount of money and say it’s for a taxi”
“How much would that be?”
He told me.
“Thank you very much mate, brill, you’ve been very helpful.” I shook his hand.
I went back and gave her the money.
“What this?” she said
“For taxi” said I
She digested this info at length and finally said
“You give me money for nothing”
“No, I give you money for taxi”
Another pregnant pause as she mulled this over..
“You good man Lolen, I clean your house.”
And with that she went to the broom cupboard and got out all the cleaning stuff etc.
And here’s the thing, she started singing at her work. Now Thai women’s voices are about an octave above those of western women to my ears. In other words she woke up the whole flippin neighbourhood, not to mention jacking up the pain in my head by several notches.
My landlord came by and gave me the thumbs-up, like, ‘good Thai woman Lolen’
Aw hell, I gave up…let people think what they want…all I wanted was to have many quiet moments alone with my hang-over.
So I staggered along the beach and collapsed in the first place I could find where there were no people.
She was gone when I got back, bless her, and the place was in far better shape than it had been for ages.See More